This is a great post from a fellow contributor. He’s given his tips on “the morning after” etiquettes and what to do in certain scenarios. A lot of us have been in this position before and sometimes the situation is a little dicey. Keep these tips in mind next time you have an awesome night out and “get lucky”. Thanks @styleguyjoe for sharing. We look forward to seeing you share more. Everybody go follow him on Twitter now.
Most of us have been there. Laying in bed having that conversation with ourselves, trying to figure out what to do next. Do we stay or do we go? Do we let them stay or do we make them go? What if we want to stay and they want us to go, or we want them to stay and they want to go? Welcome to the awkward world of casual sex the morning after..
Generally speaking, there are only two options. Stay or Go. The confusing part is figuring out when and who should stay or go.
If you wake up and realize:
Go or make/let them leave
Stay or ask them to stay
| That your beer goggles have gotten the best|
|That you are in your own bed
|That you are related||They are more attractive than you thought
you'd be capable of getting
|That you are coworkers||That you'd like to see them again
| That you have no plans to ever see this |
|That you have a killer recipe for pancakes
and there is enough bacon to share
|That you have somewhere to be||That you are not in your own bed but their
bed is more comfortable than your bed
|That they/you are married, engaged or |
|That you/they lied to get into bed|
|That money was exchanged the night before|
How to ask them to stay
In some instances you want your new partner to stay and it will be necessary to ask them. For example, your beer goggles may have gotten the best of you but your partner is in a league above your own. In order to avoid rejection or them accepting an invitation out of pity, ask them to join you in something that you were planning to do anyway. Example: “I’m going to make coffee, would you like a cup?” or, “How about I make us a cup of coffee?” Here is another example. “I’m going to breakfast, would you like to join me?” or, “Do you want to go grab some breakfast? Here is one that your particular lifestyle may support. “I’m headed to the rental store to exchange my panda costume, would you like me to return your fox costume while I’m there?”
If you are at their place, I do not think it proper to ask to stay. Asking to stay sounds desperate and puts the host in a more complicated situation if they do not want you to stay. It also opens you up for rejection if they want to to leave. If they want you to stay, they will ask. If they don’t ask, make your exit. It is ok, however to ask to to join you in an activity that you were planning on doing anyway. Breakfast, going for coffee, returning panda costume, etc.
How to ask them to leave or make your exit
Inevitably there will be times that they will want to stay, or want you to stay, but for one reason or another you would prefer to part company. This is arguably the most unnerving situation. I believe in straight forward communication mixed with tact is the best course of action.
Start by thanking them for the evening, and tell them that you must go. Do not try to ease the tension with lies such as, “I got called into work,” or “I’ll call you,” if you have no intention of doing so. Do not apologize unless you have done something wrong. If they insist you stay, but you do not want to, hold your ground. Do not make excuses, be rude or intentionally hurtful. If you feel that you can explain your reason for leaving without a lengthy conversation, or increasing the tension, then do so. But, if you feel you must leave, then leave.
An example of what you could say: “Thank you for the great evening, but I need to go.” If they ask if you will call or if they will see you again and you have no intention of either, you can say something like: “Unfortunately not. These situations can get complicated easily, so it’s best if I just go.” Depending on her emotional make up she may get upset, but she will be better off than waiting for a phone call that will never come. If you plan to see or talk to them in the future, respond truthfully and follow up on whatever next contact you’ve agreed to.
If you want them to leave, the same rules and similar scripting can be used. “Thank you for the great evening but I have to get up and get my day started. I’m sure you have to do the same.” Hopefully they get the hint. If they do not, it is OK to be more direct. Example: “Would you like me to help you get your things together?” or, “Can I call you a cab or walk you to your car?” Again, do not make excuses, lie or apologize.
The fact of the matter is this; if you can not handle rejection, then casual sex isn’t for you. At the same time, if you are not prepared to look someone in the eye and truthfully reject them the next morning, then casual sex is not for you either. Those are the two extremes, reject or be rejected. Everything else is a grey area. The most intimate experience that two humans can share is sex. I don’t care what anyone says, sex is never just sex. You’ve just shared this moment with someone. Regardless of how you feel the next morning, stay or go, show some respect.
Follow me on twitter and instagram for more menswear tips and advice. @Styleguyjoe on twitter and @styleguywc on instagram. Either way, search #styleguysays for quick reference to my posts.